


is this what love is?

by starrynightzayn



Category: Moonlight (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, First Dates, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Teen Romance, basically set in a world where the fight scene never happened cuz i'm still in denial ❤️
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrynightzayn/pseuds/starrynightzayn
Summary: It's almost the end of the week and Kevin and Chiron still haven't talked about their kiss on the beach. That is, until Kevin finally musters up the courage to approach Chiron about it.
Relationships: Chiron/Kevin (Moonlight)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 43





	1. your hand in mine

**Author's Note:**

> update from february 2021: i just wanted to thank everyone who's read this fic and left kudos/comments. it’s pretty special to me so the support means a lot!! when i originally posted this last year it looked a bit different and i’ve since changed the formatting so there's space between the lines, capital letters, and fixed grammar. i hope that makes for a easier and better read <3 i plan on continuing this series and hopefully chapter 5 will be up soon!! anyway thank you for taking the time to read this and i hope you enjoy :)

“Yo, Chiron.” 

It was three o’clock on a thursday and school had just ended. As per usual, Chiron was staring at the front of the school, looking down at Terrel. 

“Chiron,” Kevin said with more insistence. 

Chiron turned around to find Kevin staring at him with a small smile on his face. Immediately he relaxed.

“Oh, hey Kev.” 

“You good dawg?” Kevin asked.

“Uh, yeah I'm…” He didn’t know what to say. 

“uh what’s up?” Chiron finally responded. 

“Nothin man I was just...looking for you.”

_ He was looking for me,  _ Chiron thought. A smile spread across his face and he instantly looked away trying to hide it. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere,” Kevin said.

“Uh...yeah...sure.”

“Cool,” Kevin said. He stared into Chiron’s eyes for a second longer before turning around. Chiron followed as they went down the stairs to find Kevin’s car sitting outside, as if it was waiting for them. They got in, Kevin turning to Chiron and smiling before starting the car. They drove for about ten minutes before arriving in front of a white house that looked kinda like Juan’s.  _ Juan _ . Chiron tensed up and Kevin immediately noticed, turning to look at him. 

“You good Black?”

“Uh yeah. I'm good,” Chiron said. 

They got out of the car and walked up the steps. Kevin opened the door with Chiron right behind him. 

The house was silent. And big. There were tacky decorations on the wall family pictures everywhere. Chiron took notice of them as he followed Kevin. 

They went up the stairs and walked to the end of the hall, Kevin eventually opening the door to the room on the left. Chiron entered after him, slowly, and looked around while Kevin shut the door. Chiron heard a click, realizing Kevin had locked it. Immediately he became nervous.  _ Why would he do that? _ Chiron wondered. He didn’t say a word, instead facing the wall in silence. 

“Hey,” Kevin said gently.

Chiron didn’t move. 

“Hey, Black,” Kevin said, more urgently, as he moved his hand towards Chiron’s before getting hold of it. 

Chiron turned around and looked down, smiling.  _ He’s holding my hand _ . 

Kevin leaned in for a kiss, resting his left hand on Chiron’s cheek. 

Chiron fell back, shocked, before realizing his mistake. Kevin looked at him with fear in his eyes. 

“Everything ok?” He asked. “Did I...uh...did I do something wrong?” He whispered and looked away, clearly embarrassed. 

“No,” Chiron said a little too quickly. “No. I just uh wasn’t expecting it.” He looked down, smiling to himself. 

“We don't have to do anything,” Kevin said. He motioned towards his bed for them to sit, Kevin’s right hand still holding Chiron’s. Chiron stared at Kevin’s eyes for a few seconds before leaning in and kissing him. Kevin caressed Chiron’s cheek with his left hand, smiling for what felt like hours. 

Eventually Chiron pulled away, leaving Kevin confused again.

“Uh. I should really start my homework.”

Kevin laughed. “Really Black? Now?” 

Chiron looked down and smiled. He didn’t actually want to stop. He wasn’t really sure why he said that. 

Kevin brought his fist to Chiron’s chin and gave it a nudge so Chiron would have to lift his head up. He smiled. 

“Fine, we’ll do homework.” Kevin said dramatically, raising his hands for emphasis. 

They got their notes out and began working, both of them looking up every few minutes and staring a little too long until the other one noticed. 

Eventually Kevin heard a door open and realized his mom was home. 

“I'll be right back,” he said. 

Chiron watched as Kevin left the room and went down the stairs. He heard his name, and realized Kevin had told his mom he was over. He smiled. 

Kevin came back soon after, closing the door and locking it again.

“You wanna stay for dinner?” He asked. 

Chiron didn’t say anything. For some reason he became stressed, which Kevin quickly picked up on.

“Hey, it’s cool. Maybe another time.”

Chiron smiled, slightly annoyed at himself though.  _ Why‘d I have to get overwhelmed like that _ he thought, angry at himself. 

He felt embarrassed and figured leaving would be the best thing to do. 

“Um. I guess I should go.”

“We’re not eating for a bit. If you wanna stay,” Kevin said, staring at Chiron. 

Chiron looked at him and got this feeling, the same one he’d had that night of the beach. He felt bold. And so he moved his hand towards Kevin’s face so it rested on his cheek and kissed him, smiling. Kevin lifted his hand so it held Chiron’s and kissed him back, smiling as well. They remained like this for a few minutes until the sound of footsteps entered their ears. They quickly separated and scrambled to grab their papers as though they’d been working all this time.

“I'm ordering food from down the street. It’ll be here in 30 minutes if you wanna stay Chiron.” Kevin’s mom called from outside the room. 

“Uh...thanks,” was all he could say. 

They listened as Kevin’s mom made her way down the stairs, waiting until they couldn’t hear her anymore. Kevin chuckled a bit, but it was clear he’d been shaken.

“I'm sorry,” Chiron said, beginning to apologize.

“Relax Black. It’s ok.” 

They didn’t speak for a few minutes, and so a silence fell over them. There was the mutual understanding that Chiron would have to leave before dinner, but there was also this shared feeling that everything would be alright. 

Chiron started putting his notes in his bag and got up to leave, but Kevin grabbed his hand. He kissed him one last time, slowly, before finally pulling away. 

“You ready?” He said, looking directly into Chiron’s eyes. 

“Yeah,” He replied. 

Kevin walked to the door and opened it with Chiron right behind him. They went down the stairs and managed to escape without having to answer any questions from Kevin’s mom. Kevin would just have to explain that Chiron needed to get home. 

They got into Kevin’s car and drove off, once again in silence. Not because they didn’t want to speak, but because they didn’t need to. Kevin looked down and noticed Chiron’s hand near the gears. He removed his right hand from the wheel and rested it on Chiron’s. Chiron looked down and turned to Kevin, smiling, before looking ahead again. Soon they arrived in front of Chiron’s house, but neither of them moved. They were still holding hands and both staring ahead. 

“I…” Kevin looked down. “I had a good time,” he finally said, looking up. 

Chiron blushed.

“Yeah, me too,” he responded, finally looking up only to find Kevin staring right at him like he was the only thing in the world. 

“I'll see you tomorrow?” Kevin said, still not letting go of Chiron’s hand.

Chiron nodded, waiting a few more seconds before grabbing his bag and moving his hand from under Kevin’s and getting out of the car. He started to walk towards his house but paused, turning back one last time only to find Kevin looking right at him with love spread across his face. Chiron smiled for probably the twentieth time that day before turning forward, headed home. 


	2. underwater

Chiron woke up to sunlight streaming through his window. A light breeze swept through the room and he stared at the ceiling for a bit, his fan dragging along to keep up with the heat. He couldn’t remember when he had fallen asleep, only that his mind had been on Kevin. _Kevin_. Just his name made Chiron smile. He stretched and got out of bed, making his way downstairs for breakfast. 

It was silent and he found his mom still asleep on the couch. He turned the stove on and made sure to be quiet as he grabbed two eggs from the fridge and cracked them on a pan. In the meantime he looked around for his backpack, then checking to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything at Kevin’s. Chiron then realized he probably should’ve checked that before leaving Kevin’s house, but of course he’d forgotten. Luckily nothing seemed to be missing. He went back to the kitchen and started eating his eggs, quickly realizing that he’d be late if he didn’t leave in the next ten minutes. He ran upstairs and changed, brushing his teeth as fast as he could. As he scrambled to make his bed, he heard a car honk from outside.

 _The hell_. He thought. He walked over to his window to take a look and found Kevin’s car parked outside. _The hell is he doing here_. Chiron stared for a few more seconds, confused as ever, before turning to go downstairs and leave for school. 

He grabbed his bag and checked the stove to make sure it was off. His mom hadn’t woken up yet, so he gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving. He checked to make sure the front door was locked after he’d left and then started walking. He only had to travel a few feet to find Kevin resting against his car and staring at him. His eyes were squinted because of the sun and he was looking right at Chiron with a small grin on his face. 

“Hey,” Kevin said. Chiron couldn’t help but notice he was glowing in the morning light. He stared back. 

“Uh, hey,” Chiron responded. 

“You ready for school?” Kevin asked. 

Chiron didn’t know what to say. This was the last thing he was expecting.

“Uh sure.” 

Kevin smiled and stared a little bit longer before turning to open his car door. He always did that, stared longer than he needed to, and it made Chiron feel safe for some reason. 

He walked to the other side of the car and got in, feeling excited but slightly uneasy. Kevin took off, driving with only one hand on the wheel. Chiron took notice and moved his hand near the gears with the hope that Kevin would rest his on top like he’d done the night before. And he did. 

The first few minutes of the ride were silent. They listened to music, Chiron staring out the window at the passing cars. Kevin looked down at his hand clutching onto Chiron’s and couldn’t help but smile. He then interlaced his fingers in Chiron’s and started blushing harder than Chiron ever could. He was used to playing things off as cool, but with Chiron that was nearly impossible. He didn’t wanna hide his love like usual. 

They were only a few minutes away from school when Chiron piped up and asked what he’d been thinking the whole ride. 

“Hey Kev?” 

“Yeah?”

“Why...why’d you pick me up this morning?” Chiron felt silly the second the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t help but wonder. Kevin didn’t seem annoyed at the question but his smile faded. Chiron immediately felt bad. 

“Not that this hasn’t been fun I...I'm glad you did. I just...why?” Chiron looked at his shoes and felt his face get hot. 

Kevin took his eyes off the road to face him for a second and immediately noticed the embarrassment on Chiron’s face. 

“Come on Black don’t do that. I hate when you get like this.” He removed his hand from Chiron’s grasp and gently nudged his chin, making Chiron look up. 

“I had a nice time last night and...I wanted to see you again.” Kevin finally said. Now Chiron was blushing too. 

“I uh...I had fun too.”

“Cool,” Kevin said smoothly. He went back to holding Chiron’s hand and turned to face the road again.

A few minutes later Kevin pulled into the school parking lot. He turned the ignition off, his hand still clutching onto Chiron’s. Neither of them said anything; they just sat there, together, letting the sun beat down on their faces. Chiron twisted his head to look at the clock: 7:48 am. Twelve minutes till first period. Kevin noticed him looking and chuckled.

“Relax Black. I'm not gonna make you late to class.” Chiron looked down, slightly embarrassed. 

“Yeah, I know,” he replied. Not that he’d mind being late if it meant more time with Kevin. 

“Unless you want me to,” he said with a smirk. Chiron blushed and turned to face him and found Kevin staring at him again. He was looking right into Chiron’s eyes, but Chiron couldn’t read his expression. 

“Yeah?” he finally asked. 

“Nothin,” Kevin said, turning away. “I just really wanna kiss you.” 

Chiron was speechless. They couldn’t. Like they really couldn’t. But Kevin spoke before he could say anything.

“Hey relax I'm...I'm not gonna do anything.” He looked at Chiron earnestly. The last thing he wanted to do was make him uncomfortable. 

“I know. I—,“ but Kevin cut him off. 

“But maybe later? We could...hang out again?”

For the second time Chiron was left speechless. Was any of this real? It couldn’t be. But it was. Kevin Jones wanted to kiss him. It was 7:55 am and there he was sitting in a car opposite Kevin, staring at his lips and Kevin staring back at his. 

“Yeah...uh yeah that sounds good.” 

“Cool,” Kevin replied. God he was so smooth. Everything he said came off as cool. It used to make Chiron feel intimidated. He’d always wonder— why would someone like Kevin wanna hang out with him? And yet it was Kevin who kept wanting to spend time with him. Kevin who wanted to kiss him. Chiron’s heart fluttered at the thought. 

“We should probably get goin’. Class starts soon.” 

“Uh yeah,” Chiron said. But neither of them moved, their hands still interlocked, their eyes looking directly into the other’s. Eventually Kevin removed his hands from Chiron’s grasp and smiled. 

“Later,” he said. His eyes glistened. 

“Later,” Chiron replied. 

They got out of the car and began walking, their hands inches away from brushing against one another. Once they entered the school building they moved farther apart; still close enough that they were in one another’s personal space, but not close enough that they appeared suspicious. Or at least that’s what they told themselves. They went up the stairs to the second floor and finally to the end of the hallway. They were in separate classes, however, much to their disliking. As they got closer to the rooms they simultaneously slowed down, trying to savor the few seconds they had left together before they’d be separated until lunch. The bell rang and it was only then that they finally left one another’s side to enter their individual classrooms. 

Chiron sat at his desk near the front of the room. He got out a pen and notebook and opened it to the first blank page, scribbling what was on the board and occasionally taking a break to draw some doodle on the side. The ink started to fade at the end of class so he got out his pencil case.

It was then that he came across a folded up piece of paper he hadn’t noticed before his name was written in blue ink and it was slightly smudged. He looked around to make sure no one was looking and opened it up.

_Kissing you feels like being underwater. Everything slows down and gets all quiet n still. There’s no background noise no distractions. And at first it’s scary cuz...How often do you go and do somethin’ like this? But then seconds later you feel safer than you have in years. All I wanna do is kiss you Black. I wanna be underwater with you._

_\- Kev_

Chiron fell silent. There was no ringing in his ears. He didn’t feel the usual drowning sensation when he was at school. He felt...safe. 

He read it again and again until the bell was about to ring, his teacher finishing the lecture and his classmates scrambling to write everything down. And then there was Chiron, staring at lord knows what, and feeling happier than he’d been in a long time. 

He carefully folded the note back up and slipped it into his pocket, right in time to start walking to his next class. The rest of the morning went by painfully slowly. Chiron couldn’t focus in any of his classes. All he wanted to do was reread that note over and over until it became a part of his memory. And Kevin...Well he was a little distracted too. Everything he saw reminded him of Chiron. In biology they talked about marine animals, which reminded him of the beach, which reminded him of Chiron and their kiss. In english they talked about the ancient Greeks and how they’d write poems and stories confessing their love for each other. He blushed at the thought of Chiron reading his love note. _God I hope he’s found it by now_ Kevin thought. There were still 25 minutes left till lunch and both of them could barely sit still. Kevin had succumbed to actually taking notes while Chiron was making origami with blank pieces of paper. Neither of them could think about anything else but the 45 minutes they’d have together, even if other people would be there too. 

Finally the bell rang and Kevin just about sprinted out of his seat. In his mind he was being graceful but ask anyone else and he looked way too eager for that day’s hot lunch. Chiron on the other hand walked slower than usual. Of course he wanted to see Kevin and spend as much time with him but he was anxious. Kevin kept showering him with love and affection and yet Chiron felt...weird. He wasn’t used to the attention or intimacy. When was the last time someone had held his hand? Had asked if he was alright? Had shown any interest in his life at all? The thought of opening up terrified Chiron, and it didn’t help that he was surrounded by screaming teenagers and people rushing to get food. 

Eventually he made it to the cafeteria and tried to relax. He looked around, still nervous as hell. It was then that he realized him and Kevin had never explicitly agreed to sit together during lunch. I mean after everything that had happened he just assumed they would but...shit. What if Kevin didn’t wanna sit with him? Chiron wandered around the cafeteria, his anxiety worsening by the second. He couldn’t remember how he’d managed to pick up lunch. He continued looking around, flustered, and then...he saw him. Just like before, Kevin was in a rush, scrambling to put his food and backpack down and sit. _I guess this is it_ Chiron thought. This was it. He walked over as slowly as possible, his heart rate increasing as he got closer. Kevin seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes directed at his food but his mind clearly somewhere else. Finally Chiron reached the table and began to sit down when Kevin looked up at him, staring at Chiron like it was that night at the beach. His eyes were soft and his face held so much love in it. 

“Hey,” Kevin finally said.

“Hey.” 

Chiron sat down and they continued staring at one another in silence. A small smile appeared on Kevin’s face and Chiron couldn’t help but grin too. 

Finally Kevin looked away abruptly, and for a second it seemed like he was analyzing his food again. He looked nervous too, which made Chiron relax a bit. _I guess I'm not the only one_. They began eating their lunches, not talking but clearly wanting to speak, until Kevin finally broke the silence. 

“So how was your mornin’, Black?”

“Uh it was fine. Calc was boring.” 

“Mmm. I forgot you’re in high level math.” Kevin said playfully. Chiron chuckled.

“Yeah yeah.” 

Kevin smiled. 

“I uh…” Chiron began but he stopped. He wanted to ask about the note. He wanted to be bold. 

“Yeah?” Kevin asked 

And so he was. “I found the note you wrote me uh in my pencil case.” 

Again, silence. Chiron tried to look into Kevin’s eyes but he’d turned his attention to the ground. He so badly wanted Kevin to look at him and say something, but he didn’t. _I guess if he won’t then I will._ Chiron thought. 

“I liked it. I...I really liked it,” He whispered. Kevin slowly straightened his back and looked up, his eyes big. Chiron could read the fear on Kevin’s face and he started getting anxious again. _What if he didn’t mean what he wrote? What if giving it to me was a mistake?_

Kevin could sense the heightened tension and spoke, his eyes towards the ground again. 

“I'm glad” was all he could say. Kevin didn’t understand why felt this way. He liked Chiron. Like he really liked Chiron. That’s why he’d given him the note. He’d never written something so personal before and yet being around Chiron filled him with so many words. Or maybe those words were always there and it was Chiron who made him feel safe enough to say them. Either way Chiron made him feel good. He made him happy. And he wanted Chiron to know. So why the fuck couldn’t he say all that? 

Kevin finally looked up to find Chiron looking at him. He seemed happy but slightly concerned. 

“You good Kev?” 

“Yeah dawg, I'm good,” Kevin said as he tried to put on a smile. 

“Well thanks uh for the note. It was nice.” Chiron looked down, his eyes almost starting to water. God he was so overwhelmed. Usually Kevin would say something when he noticed Chiron’s mood change, which he always did, but things were different. He could barely open his mouth without feeling the anxiety pour out. 

“Yeah. No problem,” Kevin finally said. 

And just as before they caught themselves staring at one another. Chiron at Kevin’s eyes. Kevin at Chiron’s lips. So desperately they wanted to reach out and be close to one another. To just sit in silence and be held. Be known. Instead they slowly broke eye contact and returned to their food, spending the rest of lunch in silence. They’d have to wait till after school to talk, and even then who knew if either of them would be able to mutter to mutter more than a few words.

Chiron looked up at the clock and realized afternoon classes started soon. He wanted to say something but the fear in his chest was still very much there. There was tension in the air. It wasn’t bad tension, per say, just...tension. 

“Uh lunch is almost over. I should probably get goin’,” Chiron eventually said.

“Uh yeah. I guess I'll see you later then? Meet by my car?” Kevin asked.

“Sure.” 

They got up, grabbing their trash and backpacks and heading out the door together. Once again their bodies teetered the line between too close and just far enough. They left the cafeteria with Kevin turning right towards the stairway while churon went straight ahead. And so they were separated, again. 

The boys were sluggish, their afternoon classes going by even slower than their mornings ones— if that was even possible. Both of them were anxious as hell; they had no idea what they’d say to each other when they met after school. 

Chiron had noticed something was up with Kevin but he hadn’t pushed. He had a feeling he’d have to later; they hadn’t really discussed what they were, or even the letter really. His mind was rattled with questions. 

And Kevin...well his mind was a mess to say the least. He knew he’d made Chiron nervous and it made him angry as hell; he felt stupid. He usually knew exactly what to say and yet he’d barely said more than a few sentences during lunch. He considered writing out what he wanted to say; the note to Chiron seemed to have been a success so he figured giving it another shot. But his mind was blank— or maybe it was just cluttered. There were so many thoughts swirling through his head but he couldn’t pinpoint any of them. It was basically a shitshow. Kevin couldn’t believe when the last bell of the day went off. How had he managed to get to every class on time? Nevertheless he began walking to his car, this time as slow as he possibly could. Three hours of classes and he still hadn’t managed to figure out what he was going to say to Chiron. 

Chiron on the other hand was “briskly walking,” or what others might call running to get outside. He’d come up with a few things to mention, but for the most part he just really wanted to see Kevin. Even if they didn’t talk they could at least hold hands; gaze into one another’s eyes without stares from others. He just wanted to feel safe. And so he sprinted, casually of course, down the stairs and outside. He arrived at Kevin’s car and rested against its side, staring at the school’s backdoor. He tried to distract himself but there was nothing around to keep his attention. Eventually the door opened and he saw Kevin leaving. He was coming slowly— if Chiron hadn’t been running on so much adrenaline this might’ve stressed him out. Instead he just smiled, looking right at Kevin the way Kevin always did to him. 

“Hey,” Chiron said as Kevin got closer. He looked anxious, his fingers tapping against his thighs. 

“Hey,” Kevin eventually responded. 

“You ready?” Chiron tried to get Kevin’s attention, smiling as his eyes gleamed in the daylight, but Kevin was distracted. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, still looking away. 

They got in, neither one saying a word. They’d only been in Kevin’s car together a few times but they already had this rhythm; Kevin would shuffle to get his keys out of his pocket while Chiron shoved his backpack in between his legs. Kevin would stare at the radio and debate turning the music on before settling on keeping it off and Chiron would almost immediately open his window cause he hated the heat. 

They had a routine, and Chiron was a part of it. Kevin put his keys in the ignition and reversed, his eyes glued to the road. But this time both of his hands were on the steering wheel, not just one. Chiron wanted to ask to hold his hand, but he could tell Kevin was overwhelmed as it was. He couldn't just not do something; he hated seeing Kevin so stressed. It wasn’t normal for him to be like this. Chiron considered making a joke or just asking if he was ok, but he felt words weren’t what Kevin needed right now. Instead he slowly moved his left hand out and rested it on Kevin’s thigh, not saying a word. Chiron held his breath the whole time, preparing for the worst. 

At first Kevin didn’t move a muscle. But to Chiron’s surprise he relaxed a few seconds later and even smiled. The tension was still there but Kevin felt...better. And this made Chiron feel better too. 

When they arrived at Kevin’s house it was empty again. Chiron felt more relaxed having been there already, but he also knew he and Kevin would have to talk and that stressed him out a bit. They walked up to Kevin’s room just as they’d done the day before, with Chiron a few steps behind. This time, however, Kevin didn’t lock the door. Chiron knew there’d be no kissing, at least at first…

They tossed their backpacks on the ground and Chiron went to sit on Kevin’s bed. There was a sense of comfort that made him smile. Kevin stayed by the door and stared at the wall, his facial expression hard to read. Chiron figured now was as good a time as any to bring up what he was feeling. 

“Hey, Kev.” His voice was quiet and still; he felt the anxiety rising in his throat. 

Nothing. Kevin remained still, his fingers once again tapping against his thighs while his eyes stayed glued to the window. 

Chiron got up from the bed and walked over so he was standing right behind Kevin. He didn’t do anything at first, just stood within Kevin’s reach. Eventually he lifted his hand and gently clutched onto Kevin’s, caressing his knuckles with his thumb. 

“It’s ok Kev,” he said slowly. 

Kevin turned around and looked right into Chiron’s eyes; he looked pained, like there was so much he wanted to say but he couldn’t get himself to speak. A few seconds later Kevin fell right into Chiron arms, resting his head on his shoulder and begging to be held. Chiron hugged him right back and kissed the side of his head. They stayed like this for a while, holding one another close and letting themselves be safe. Kevin and Chiron had felt more seen these last few days than all sixteen years combined. 

Eventually Kevin unwrapped his arms from Chiron’s body and dropped them, holding on to Chiron’s hands for a second before letting go. He cleared his throat and slowly lifted his head so he was looking at Chiron’s chest. 

“I'm sorry Black. I...there was so much I wanted to say at lunch but…” he shook his head. “I couldn’t.” He clicked his tongue in frustration. “I still can’t.” He paused. “There’s so many things I wanna tell you but…” Kevin looked up. “I just can’t.” He seemed so...fragile. Chiron had never seen Kevin like this. Even that night at the beach when Kevin was more honest with him than he’d ever been he wasn’t like this. 

“I...I hope that’s ok,” Kevin finally said. 

Chiron looked down and clutched onto Kevin’s fingers, moving them back and forth.

“Course that’s ok…” he held back a smile. “We’ll uh...we’ll talk when you’re ready.” 

A small smile appeared on Kevin’s face. “Thanks Black.” 

Chiron knew they’d be ok. They stayed like that for a while, just standing and enjoying each other’s company, Chiron clutching onto Kevin’s hand and swinging it side to side. There was still a little bit of tension so Chiron figured he’d lighten the mood. 

“Uh there’s still some homework I gotta do...” he said with a grin. 

Kevin chuckled and shook his head. 

“You always know what to say, don't you Black.” Chiron smiled. 

They grabbed their backpacks and moved towards Kevin’s bed again. They sat especially close to one another, their knees touching as they worked. Every few minutes Kevin would “accidentally” bump shoulders with Chiron, making both of them blush. In fact they couldn’t help but get distracted— whether it was Kevin moving closer to Chiron and pretending to look at his answers or Chiron having his hand brush against Kevin’s, neither of them could focus. By the time they finished their assignments it was almost 6 pm and Kevin’s mom would be home soon. The same question as last night hung in the air. 

Kevin turned towards Chiron. “You wanna stay for dinner today?” He tried to be calm about it; he didn’t wanna stress Chiron out like he’d done the day before. But it was too late— Chiron immediately became anxious. Not as much as yesterday, but still. He couldn’t help but fear Kevin’s mom would know something was up. 

“Uh. Will ur mom be ok with it?” Chiron asked, trying to be as indirect as possible. 

Kevin smiled. “Yeah dawg. She’s the one who wanted you to stay last night.” 

Chiron relaxed a little, but he was still nervous. Kevin could tell. 

“Listen man. It’s not like we’re gonna be making out in front of her. She won’t notice a thing. I promise.” 

_I promise._ Chiron liked hearing that. He also liked Kevin looking him right in the eye and saying it. Kevin then reached out and grabbed Chiron’s hand, kissing his knuckles. 

“Please?” he begged. 

Chiron‘s face got hot and he started blushing.

“Ok…i guess I'll stay.” Kevin’s face lit up. 

“Cool,” Kevin said. Chiron made him so happy— he only hoped he knew that. 

They spent the next half an hour talking, their hands still intertwined. Eventually they heard the front door open and Kevin’s mom calling for Kevin. He went downstairs and mentioned that Chiron was over again; just as before she suggested he stay for dinner to which couldn’t argue. Nor did he want to. 

Kevin went back upstairs and entered the room again, this time locking the door. 

“Dinner’ll be ready around 7.”

“Ok.”

Kevin walked over and sat down on the bed, as close to Chiron as he’d been before. Chiron checked the clock and realized it was only 6:15 pm, meaning they had 45 minutes before they’d have to be downstairs. He turned to Kevin, looking right at his lips. 

“Uh.. we have some time.” Chiron said, moving his attention to Kevin’s eyes and smiling, hopeful. Kevin seemed to get the hint; both of them leaned in and smiled as they kissed the other, Kevin lifting his hand so it held on to Chiron’s cheek. Chiron lifted his hand and held onto Kevin’s. They stayed like this for a while, not allowing themselves to focus on anything but each other. 

But just like last night the sound of footsteps jolted them apart. 

“Are you boys coming?” Kevin’s mom asked from outside the door. 

“Yeah ma we’ll be there in a sec,” Kevin responded. 

They waited until they could no longer hear the shuffling of feet and then fell right back into place. Kevin still couldn’t believe how good Chiron had been to him all day; I mean he’d never doubted how amazing Chiron was but…it was nice having the reassurement. 

Kissing Chiron felt like being in fucking heaven, but of course they had to separate just a few minutes later and get up to go downstairs. Chiron then realized he’d have to wait at least another day to do that again and felt bitter. Chiron also realized that he’d just assumed they’d be seeing each other the next day; _fuck_ he thought. Were they not going to see each other until school on Monday? He didn’t know if he could do a whole weekend without Kevin. But he tried not to think too much about that as he followed Kevin to the door. 

They could smell fresh shrimp as soon as they started walking down the stairs. Kevin’s mom greeted them at the bottom, hugging Kevin and then wrapping her arms around Chiron too. 

“Chiron it is so nice to finally meet you! Kevin’s always talking about you. Come sit down! Kevin’s dad’ll be home late tonight so it’s just us three.” 

Chiron smiled but he was a little thrown off. He’d never met Kevin’s mom so he really didn’t know what to expect, but it was definitely not this. She was so... _happy._ He’d never seen anything like it— especially not from his own family. 

But Kevin seemed embarrassed which Chiron found cute, so he gently jabbed him in the shoulder, making Kevin smile. Kevin’s mom handed each of them a bowl and pointed them towards a pot filled with prawns and rice and all sorts of vegetables. They filled their bowls to the brim so that all you could see was food. Kevin directed Chiron to a separate room with a long wooden table and pictures of his family and artwork on the walls. They sat opposite each other and Kevin’s mom joined shortly after, sitting next to Kevin. 

At first no one said anything, just focusing on their food with Chiron looking up every few seconds out of habit. He wasn’t used to eating with anyone— let alone two people. It was always just him at home, eating whatever he could find in silence. Even with no one speaking he felt their presence, their warmth. He felt safe. 

After a few minutes Kevin’s mom piped up and started asking the two of them questions. “How was your day?” “What’d you do in your classes?” “What were you two working on upstairs?” Kevin handled most of the answering with Chiron jumping in every so often and adding a thing or two. But somehow Kevin’s mom always turned the conversation back to Chiron; she wanted to know about him. “What’s your mom up to?” “What have you been doing outside school?” “What classes do you like?” He didn’t really know how to answer most of them, but Kevin’s mom didn’t seem to mind. She didn’t press; she just genuinely wanted to get to know him. _She wanted to make him feel included._

It seemed Kevin had learned that from her, they were both great at showing interest in people’s lives and Chiron loved that. After dinner Kevin’s mom brought out some ice cream and told them about her day at work. She shared a few funny stories and got both of them chuckling. Chiron couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed that much; all he knew was that he liked the feeling. By the time they finished eating it was almost 9 pm. Chiron didn’t wanna leave but he knew Kevin’s dad would be home soon and didn’t wanna intrude any longer. 

“I should probably head home,” he finally said. 

“Do you wanna take any food with you? There’s plenty of leftovers,” Kevin’s mom offered. 

At first Chiron declined; he didn’t wanna be any more of a bother than he needed to be. But of course Kevin swooped right in and said he had to bring some with him. He went to the kitchen and got a plastic container out of the cabinet and filled it with the shrimp and rice. He handed it to Chiron with a smirk on his face. 

“Thanks,” was all Chiron could say. His face got hot and he started blushing; that seemed to be all he could do that day. He didn’t want to move, especially with Kevin staring at him like _that_ with a smile on his face. But he knew if he didn’t he’d kiss Kevin right then and there, and there was no way in hell that could happen. He turned to Kevin’s mom and said thank you just about a million times before Kevin cut him off and said they were gonna go get his stuff and leave. As they turned towards the stairs Kevin’s mom called out and reminded Chiron that he was always welcome in their home, making him smile even bigger than before. 

Once they got back to Kevin’s room Chiron grabbed his papers from the bed and shoved them into his backpack. He did one final check of the room to make sure he hadn’t left anything and turned towards the door. Kevin was standing by it and smiling right at him. 

“Thanks for stayin’ Black,” he said with a grin. 

“No problem.” Chiron was so fucking happy and overwhelmed he couldn’t even look at Kevin. He turned his attention to the ground and smiled, flustered as per usual. Kevin walked up to him and lifted Chiron’s head with his head. He leaned in and kissed him, caressing the side of Chiron’s head with his thumb. Chiron was caught off guard but he didn’t mind, and he certainly didn’t back away like he’d done the day before. I guess he didn’t have to wait another day to kiss kev. 

Kevin slowly pulled apart and dreamily gazed back at Chiron. He felt like he was in a daze; Chiron had that effect. 

“You ready?” Kevin asked. Chiron nodded. 

He didn’t get how Kevin could be so smooth. And in all honestly Kevin didn’t know either. Every time he kissed Chiron he felt like he was on cloud nine. But just like Kevin made Chiron feel safe, Chiron made Kevin feel secure. He was always worrying about what he was saying and doing around others— but not with Chiron. There was no pressure to be a certain way. He knew he could be himself. And he knew Chiron liked him. I mean Kevin had been a blubbering mess most of the day and Chiron never made fun of him or judged him. He never left. So Kevin didn’t have to hide. He knew he could be flirty and bold and gentle and Chiron would accept him. So he did just that. 

The two of them kissed a few more times before scrambling to get downstairs and leave. Kevin’s mom called back one last time: “I hope you had fun Chiron! Come back anytime!” He yelled back thanks and ran out the door behind Kevin. 

They got in the car and drove off, their hands immediately settling into one another’s. The car ride was quiet and peaceful. Both of them were kinda high off the night; it had just been so perfect. 

“She liked you...my mom.” Chiron smiled. He hadn’t said anything before but he’d gotten the feeling she did. Kevin turned to him with a grin. 

“She was cool,” Chiron said. 

A few minutes later they arrived back at Chiron’s house. Chiron couldn’t believe they’d practically spent the whole day together. He wanted more of that. Just hours upon hours with Kevin. 

“What are you smilin at?” Kevin asked. To be fair he was smiling too; he couldn’t help it. 

“Today was nice. I liked it.” Chiron responded.

“Yeah...I liked it too.” 

“We could do it again, you know, sometime?”

“Yeah.” Kevin nodded. “Yeah we could Black.” 

They didn’t move for a while, their hands still stuck together. Kevin didn’t even realize he’d been caressing the back of Chiron’s hand; it’d become a habit of his. Finally he piped up. 

“Listen...tomorrow is the weekend. If you wanted to hang.” 

Chiron looked up. He didn’t realize they’d be seeing each other again so soon. Or that Kevin would want to see him that soon. But he also needed to process everything that had happened these past few days. 

“Maybe Sunday? I, uh, I have some stuff to do.” 

“Sure dawg. Sunday it is.” 

Chiron was looking at the ground again so Kevin moved his head down to look right into Chiron’s eyes. 

“I guess I'll see you then. _Black_.”

Chiron tried to hide his excitement, but a smile appeared nonetheless. They’d be seeing each other, _again_ , in two days! He recited this in his head over and over until it stuck. 

Chiron then realized it was almost 10 p.m. and he needed to leave. He looked down at Kevin’s hand; it was so soft and it fit right into his. He liked how perfectly their hands were made for each other’s. 

“I, uh, I should go.” Chiron finally said.

Kevin looked down, his smile softened. He seemed...so open. Kevin had always loved spending time with Chiron. Whenever they were together he felt a little lighter, a little happier. And these past few days he’d gotten what he’d wanted for years. The kissing and the talking and the holding hands and the inside jokes and the love that came with being with Chiron. The way Chiron looked at him...Nothing could ever match that. It felt like a hug. Like a _I see you._ No one had ever made him feel seen like Chiron did. He was so grateful for that. 

Chiron slowly unraveled his hand from Kevin’s and smiled. 

“Later?” he said.

Kevin nodded. _Later._

Chiron threw his backpack over his shoulder and got out of the car. Before he started walking he turned back and stretched his hand out, looking right at Kevin with a spark in his eyes. Kevin reached for Chiron’s hand and held it tight, staring right back at Chiron before letting go. 

“Night Black.” He said. 

“Night Kev.” 

Chiron turned and took his time walking back to his house, making sure to look back at Kev one last time and give him a smile. He felt so warm under the glow of the moonlight as it enveloped him in a hug and turned him blue in the process. 


	3. all i can think about

Kevin woke up to the smell of fresh blueberries and maple syrup. It was just after 10 am and he could hear his parents talking downstairs while they made breakfast. He rubbed his eyes and turned on his side to face the wall. He’d taken a while to fall asleep last night; for hours all he did was rerun conversations with Chiron in his head. He’d close his eyes and play back their talk in his car and kissing on his bed and eating dinner together. It wasn’t until 2 a.m. that he fell asleep, and even then Chiron was still at the back of his mind. 

In fact, Chiron had been on his mind right before he woke up. He was dreaming about their date tomorrow, sitting on the beach or getting lunch in town or going for a walk. They hadn’t really decided where they were going or even if it was a date or not, but in Kevin’s mind that’s exactly what it was. I mean, he liked Chiron and Chiron liked him and they were spending time together that usually involved making out. Kevin was pretty sure that qualified as a date. 

He sat up from his bed and rubbed his eyes again. He was feeling pretty tired; he wasn’t used to staying up so late— but if it meant thinking about Chiron, it was worth it. He stood up and walked to his closet, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a t- shirt and went downstairs where he found his parents sitting at their kitchen table and already eating. 

“Mornin’ Kev,” his dad said. He had slight bags under his eyes; he wasn’t sure when he’d gotten back from work last night before but it had to’ve been late. 

“Mornin,” he called back. He got a plate from the cabinet and filled it with a stack of his mom’s blueberry pancakes. He sat across from them and started eating. 

“I was just telling your father about dinner last night.” Kevin’s mom began. 

Kevin could feel his throat closing up.  _ Fuck _ . His heart began racing faster than ever. 

“Oh, yeah,” he responded.

“I haven’t seen him in years! You two would always go to the fields and play I remember,” Kevin’s dad said. 

“Mmhm,” Kevin replied. 

“What’s he been up to recently?”

“Uh nothin’. Just school and all.”

“Well he was lovely,” Kevin’s mom interjected. “I’m so glad I got to see him after all this time.” 

“Invite him over again and I'll cook for y’all. Make you two some crabs like I used to,” his dad added. 

Kevin smiled. He really did love his parents. They loved him and each other; he knew that wasn’t the same for everyone.

“Yeah ok,” he eventually said. 

They spent the rest of the meal catching up on how their weeks had been and talking about plans for the weekend. Kevin thought about mentioning that he’d be seeing Chiron again tomorrow, but he thought that’d be a bit too suspicious. He just said he’d be seeing some guys the day after to which his parents nodded and said ok. 

After Kevin finished eating he went back upstairs to his room. He had some biology and history homework but nothing that’d take more than a few hours. He figured he could spend the morning planning for their date tomorrow. He’d never been much of an organizer but he wanted their first official date to be perfect. He got out his notebook and started making a list of things they could do. 

He’d already told his parents he was going out so he definitely couldn’t have Chiron over, and anyway that would prompt way too many questions. Going out was definitely safer. Hmm. They could get lunch somewhere? But he didn’t wanna be in public so much...they could go to the fields but there’d probably be some guys from school. Kevin kinda wanted to prepare something for Chiron. He’d seen his mom make dinners a few nights and it looked fun. Maybe he could cook them lunch...and they could have a picnic. He was pretty sure it was gonna be cloudy all weekend so the beach would probably be pretty empty. He started writing down different options for their lunch and thinking about how he’d actually make it. His parents would definitely be confused at the sight of him cooking. He could lie and say he was meeting people from school and making it for them. That could work...

He decided to take a break from thinking about the meal and went to his closet to pick out what to wear. So far Chiron had seen him in basically all the same stuff— jeans, a polo, what everyone else wore to school. But this time they’d be purposely seeing each other outside of that, in public. He sifted through his shirts and pants but found nothing special.  _ I could go shopping _ he thought. He checked the clock: 11 a.m. If he left now he could be home by 2 for lunch and figure out the rest of the details then plus get his homework done. He’d also have to call Chiron’s house and let him know what time he was coming around tomorrow. For some reason he had a feeling Chiron would be ready whenever but he wanted to confirm just in case. And if it meant getting to hear his voice...then that was a plus. 

He changed into a pair of denim shorts and a nicer t-shirt and grabbed his wallet from the counter. Kevin scrambled downstairs quietly with the hope that he wouldn’t have to face either of his parents and explain where he was going. Luckily they were in the other room watching TV and couldn’t hear anything. He left a note saying he’d gone out and went to the garage. He got in and buckled his seatbelt, placing two hands on the wheel. He paused for a second, thinking of Chiron. For the first time in days his right hand wasn’t being held by someone; that lack of warmth was noticeable. He smiled and told himself he’d have to bring that up on their date. He put the key in the ignition and reversed out of the garage, turning right onto the street towards the center of town. 

There was only one clothing store within a ten minute drive and it wasn’t too impressive to say the least. But the closest mall was another fifteen minutes away and he didn’t wanna waste any more time. He drove to a nearby parking lot and left his car, making sure to bring his keys and wallet with him. He remembered the last time he’d forgotten to bring them and ended up having to call his parents; it definitely wasn’t how he’d imagined spending that Saturday. And he certainly didn’t want a repeat of that. 

The store was small and had mostly basics and plain items, but tucked away in the corner was a variety of patterned shirts and nicer pants. He’d never ventured into this area before, mostly out of fear of seeming feminine or that he cared too much about his appearance. He tried to block those thoughts out of his head and instead focused on wanting to look nice for Chiron. That was enough to drive him to that section of the store. He shuffled through a bunch of floral shirts before stumbling upon a striped one. It had strokes of forest green and salmon and light blue and was made of a softer material; he liked how it felt. He grabbed a similar one made of darker hues in case that one didn’t fit and found a few pairs of jeans that were more fitted than his usual ones. He looked around to make sure no one was staring at him and headed towards the dressing room with a small smile on his face.

The first thing he tried on was the first striped shirt he’d found. He buttoned it all the way up except for the last one and looked in the mirror; his smile grew. It was the perfect length and slightly billowy but not too big. He tried on a pair of mid wash jeans and dark blue slacks which fit alright but didn’t really go with the shirt. He decided to swap them out for the skinner black jeans he’d found and again— wow. He looked…really put together. It felt like a date outfit which he liked. He was just about to take them off and buy them when he realized he’d forgotten to check the price tags.  _ Fuck _ . He removed the shirt and jeans and checked to look at how much they cost—$15 for the shirt and $20 for the jeans—hmm. That wasn’t too bad.  _ Technically _ he didn’t need either of them and there was no way he’d ever wear them to school. But...He did have the money and it wasn’t like they would go to waste. He had a date tomorrow, and based on the last few days it seemed like he might have a few more of those in the future. He carefully put all of the items back on their hangers and returned all but the shirt and jeans to the clothing rack. He went to the checkout line where an older lady greeted him. 

“Hi, was everything ok today?” 

“Uh yeah all good,” he said while nodding. 

“i like this shirt. Got a special event for it?”

Kevin’s face got hot. He felt so on the spot. But before he could think of what to say the words were already out of his mouth. 

“Uh yeah I, uh, have a date.” 

“Oh.” The lady smiled. “Your girlfriend?” 

Kevin’s smile disappeared. He winced.

“Yeah somethin’ like that.” He looked at the ground. 

“Well she’s very lucky.” 

All Kevin wanted to do was get out of there as quickly as possible. He practically snatched the clothes out of the lady’s hands and left the store in a rush. 

Once he got to his car he practically jumped inside and locked the doors. He wasn’t sure why he’d gotten so angry. He was used to people assuming shit like that. But…now him and Chiron kinda had a thing. And he didn’t want people assuming. He opened the bag and looked back at the shirt. It  _ was _ really nice. He shook his head and figured the drive would calm him down. He turned the music on and opened the windows and let his mind run empty. 

When he arrived home the house was silent. He looked around confused and checked the clock. It was only 1 pm. He went to the kitchen and found a note from his parents saying they’d decided to go out for lunch last minute. At first he was slightly annoyed at having not been invited. Saturday lunch wasn’t uncommon for them. But he had been the one to leave this morning without saying anything. He also remembered that he needed to call Chiron and quickly felt relieved he had the house to himself. He grabbed the phone and dialed Chiron’s house number, listening as it rang a few times before someone picked up. 

“Hello?” Chiron asked. 

“Hey Black.” Kevin smiled. He felt better already. 

“Oh hey Kev uh what’s up?”

“I, uh, just wanted to know what time I should come to pick you up tomorrow.”

“Oh uh. Whenever is fine. Um what are we doing?”

Kevin almost said he was planning for them to have a picnic, but held back. 

“It’s a surprise. I’ll be there at 2?”

“Ok Kev. Uh, see you then.”

“See ya Black.” 

He remained on the line a few seconds longer, Chiron’s voice still ringing in his ears. Eventually he put it down and went upstairs. He hung his new shirt and jeans up, making sure to remove the tags before. Then he went to work on his biology and history homework. He considered calling Chiron again to ask for help, but he got too nervous. For the most part he knew what he was doing— he mainly just wanted to talk to him again. His parents came back around 4 p.m. They called for him and he said he was busy with school work so they let him be. He finished soon after and went back to his list of food options for the date tomorrow. He eventually settled on chicken sandwiches and coleslaw and mac and cheese. If he had time he’d drive to the grocery store and pick up strawberries, but even he knew that was a bit much for them. 

Kevin spent the rest of his day in his room, besides the half an hour he went downstairs for dinner. He lay in his bed and stared at the walls for a while, daydreaming about their date and all the ones that would come after. All he could think of was spending time with Chiron; talking and kissing and laughing and flirting and hugging and everything in between. Cuz at the end of the day that was it. It was all Chiron for him.  _ It was all Chiron.  _


	4. so what if i do

Kevin woke up the next day later than expected. By the time he got out of bed it was already 11 am, meaning he only had three hours to make lunch, pack everything, get ready, and drive to Chiron’s house.  _ Fuck _ . He’d also been hoping to pick up strawberries on the way. Shit. He scrambled downstairs and grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, filling it with cheerios and pouring milk in after. He sat at the kitchen table and began eating vehemently, not bothering to even greet his parents who were sitting on the couch. 

“What’s got you in a rush?” his mom asked. 

“You got big plans or somethin?” his father chimed in.

“I’m meeting the guys at the field, remember?”

“Ok, but why are you eating so fast?” his mom questioned. 

Kevin took his time chewing so he could come up with an excuse. 

“Oh, uh. I need to make some food for them. Everyone’s bringin’ a dish.” He side eyed her in a panic. 

“Well Kev I could just whip somethin’ up.” 

“No no it’s fine I got it. I’ll, uh, just need the kitchen for the next couple of hours or so.”

“Alright. We’ll be here.” She looked at her husband in confusion, but he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to reading the paper. She returned to the TV without another word. 

Kevin finished his breakfast and immediately went to work. He turned the stove on and grabbed everything he needed while it heated up: a pot, pan, the macaroni, cabbage, and a shit ton of spices for the seasonings and dressings. For the next hour and a half he bounced between the three dishes, not wasting a second. 

By 12:45 p.m. everything was ready and the sandwiches just needed to be assembled. He spread a thin layer of mayonnaise on the buns before placing the fried chicken on top. Then he grabbed the plastic containers for each dish and stacked them on top of another in the picnic basket he’d managed to find the night before. 

Kev checked the clock: 1 p.m.  _ Fuck _ . He had an hour to shower, change, brush his teeth; he still wanted to stop by the grocery store but there was no way he’d make it. 

_ Wait a minute. _ He turned towards the fridge and scoured every shelf, eventually locating a container of strawberries. He forgot his mom had gone grocery shopping the week before and got them. He also remembered that his dad had bought chocolate from the neighbors a few weeks before and went to grab them. He unwrapped each bar and put them in a bowl to melt in the microwave, then washing the strawberries and placing them in a separate bowl.

Sometime in the last two hours his parents had gone outside and were now sitting on the back patio. He left them a sticky note to not touch anything and ran upstairs to get in the shower. By the time he finished it was 1:30 and he still had a lot to do. He changed into his new shirt and jeans and paused to look in the mirror. Kevin smiled; he really did like the outfit. He grabbed a pair of socks from one of his drawers and went back downstairs to finish packing everything. 

He checked outside to make sure his parents were still sitting there;  _ thank god _ he thought. He knew they’d say something if they saw the strawberries and chocolate. He began dipping the strawberries in the melted bars and placed each one by one on a plate to dry while he did the rest. He put them in the fridge so the chocolate could solidify and ran back to the bathroom to brush his teeth and put on some cologne. 

By the time he finished packing everything up it was 1:50. He grabbed his white sneakers and ran to the back door to say bye.

“I’m leavin’ I’ll see you guys later.”

“Ok have fun dear!” Kevin’s mom said.

As he turned to leave he heard his dad say something about a new shirt, prompting Kevin to speed walk to the kitchen to grab the basket and leave immediately. He grabbed his keys and walked outside to the car, placing the picnic basket in the backseat. He put his seatbelt on and looked in the mirror before reversing onto the street. 

By 2:02 Kevin was at Chiron’s house after speeding through town. He wasn’t sure if he should honk like he’d done the week before or actually go to the door and knock. He eventually settled on staying in the car; better off he didn’t accidentally open the door to Chiron’s mom and have to explain where they were going.

He honked twice and almost immediately Chiron came out. Kevin smiled. He was wearing medium wash jeans and a dark green button down.  _ God he’s cute  _ Kevin thought. As Chiron got closer he noticed Kevin staring and smiled. He opened the door and sat down, Kevin still gazing right at him. 

“Uh, hey Kev,” Chiron said. He was so flustered he could barely speak. 

“You ready for our date Black?” Kevin asked, immediately remembering that they’d never confirmed whether it was one or not. But he noticed Chiron start to blush and look down with a small smile and decided that it was. 

He turned the ignition on and started driving, the two of them settling into their usual hand holding. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Chiron’s leg shaking. He was staring out the window and seemed distracted. 

“You good Black?” 

“Uh yeah i’m...good,” Chiron responded. Kevin got a little nervous but figured he could ask about it when they arrived. Luckily what he’d heard was right and the beach was practically empty with there being barely any sun out. He turned into the parking lot and stopped the car, removing his hand from Chiron’s to remove the keys. 

“The beach?” Chiron asked. 

“Yeah. I figured it’d be good for our picnic.” Chiron’s eyes got big. 

“Picnic?” 

“Yeah that’s what I said dawg. You ready?” 

“Uh, yeah, guess so.” He let out a nervous laugh and got up. This was not what he’d been expecting. 

Kevin opened the door and grabbed the picnic basket and blanket from the back. He locked the doors and went to where Chiron was on the other side of the car and started walking next to him. They found a spot near the water and Kevin placed the basket on the ground and spread the blanket out. They sat down and Kevin began removing different items, first the sandwiches and mac and cheese and sodas he’d thrown in earlier that day. He got the napkins and utensils out but left the strawberries and coleslaw inside with the ice packs. He opened all the containers and passed them to Chiron while he removed the plates. Immediately they began eating, not speaking initially and just enjoying the food. As Kevin began scooping coleslaw onto his plate he heard Chiron chuckle and looked up.

“What? You want some?” 

“You like that stuff? It tastes so bad.”

“You don’t like coleslaw? What the fuck man.”

“Nah dawg it’s nasty,” Chiron said, shaking his head. 

Kevin grinned and went back to eating, looking right at Chiron with a smug face. 

“The chicken’s good though. And the mac and cheese. I can’t remember the last time I had stuff like this. Where’d you get it from?”

Kevin sighed. “Oh come on black don’t do me like that. I cooked all this.” He rolled his eyes but really he felt flattered. 

“You made everythin’? Damn dawg.”

“I take it you’re impressed,” Kevin said with a smirk. He was always toying with him.

“Maybe,” Chiron responded, looking down and smiling. 

After a few minutes they finished their meals and Kevin brought out the strawberries. He opened the plastic container and held it up to Chiron who grabbed one and popped it in his mouth. 

“And dessert? Damn kev.” 

“I know how to treat a guy.” He looked right into Chiron’s eyes as he said it, causing his face to go red. 

Kevin ate a few more while staring at the waves creeping up on them. He smiled. Then he turned back to Chiron who was deep in thought. 

“You good?” Kevin eventually asked. 

Chiron looked away, playing with his shoelaces. “You don’t have to do all this,” he said softly. 

“Do what Black?” 

“Spend time with me. Spend your whole weekend doing shit for me.” 

Kevin was taken aback. Chiron seemed...upset. 

“You could’ve met up with the guys or... made this food for your parents. But you’re here. You didn’t have to be.” 

“Yeah Black I know.” 

“Kev i—,” he sighed. “I like all this ok. But I don’t want you losing everything you have cuz of me.”

“Like what?” Kevin really didn’t get what was happening. 

“Like...like friends at school.” 

“Black—“

“Or your family or just your fucking time. You have stuff to do you know. And I don't wanna bring you down with me ok. You don’t have to give all that up...I get it.” 

Kevin stared at Chiron, not saying a word. Then he slowly moved his hand up to Chiron’s chin and gently moved it so Chiron was facing him, his eyes were still directed at the ground.

“Chiron—,“ Kev shook his head. “Man all I could think about this weekend was you. Before I went to bed Friday, when I woke up the next morning. I spent all of yesterday planning this because I wanted to make you happy. I mean; shit. When I was getting ready to leave the house yesterday and buy these clothes I turned towards the passenger seat and you weren’t there. I looked down at my hand and you weren’t holding it. Black you really think all of that was for no reason? I like you ok. I  _ really _ like you. You know that. And if you don’t then i’m gonna keep telling you. I finally got to kiss you after how many years of wanting to. I’m not just gonna give that up. I ain’t lettin go of you Chiron— not after everything.” 

Chiron finally moved his gaze upward. He said nothing. He hadn’t noticed their shoulders were touching or that Kevin’s hand was right next to his knee. He moved his body closer. 

Then he turned towards the ocean, as did Kevin, with their hands pressed together, and let the water engulf them both. 

—————————————————————

By 4 p.m. the wind started to pick up and it looked like it was about to thunder. They hadn’t said much in a while, both of them looking to the waves with Chiron’s hand laying on top of Kevin’s. Chiron had felt his heart jump out of his chest more than once that day, but he was ok with it. Or at least he was trying to be. 

Kevin eventually turned to him and said they should get going, to which Chiron agreed. Kevin folded the blanket and Chiron grabbed the picnic basket, making sure everything was inside and they hadn’t left anything behind. Then they walked back to Kevin’s car, their hands no longer touching but wavering less than an inch away. 

They put everything in the back and got in; Kevin turned the radio on but lowered the volume so they could barely hear it. They drove silently, just as they’d sat on the beach for the past hour. Chiron couldn’t think of how to respond to what Kevin had said. Instead he stared out the window at the passing buildings while Kevin hummed to the faint tune of the song. They sat in peace, together. 

They quickly arrived at Chiron’s house and Kevin parked, removing his keys from the ignition. Not because they were going to have some long talk or anything— he had a feeling Chiron hadn’t processed everything that had happened. But he at least wanted to give him the space to do so, if he wanted. Kevin looked to Chiron and spoke. 

“Listen Black. I hope I didn’t overwhelm you or anything back there. I wasn’t tryin to.” 

Nothing. 

“But i’m not gonna feel bad for being honest with you, ok?” 

Chiron slowly nodded, still in a daze. He truly, honestly, could not fathom why anyone would care about him this much. And Kevin?  _ Kevin Jones _ ? He really couldn’t believe it. 

Sure, hanging out at Kevin’s house and eating dinner with his mom and going to the beach and driving in his car and holding hands with him was nice but. Why did there have to be a but. There was no but. All of that  _ was _ nice. But did he deserve it? Did he deserve any of it? He didn’t know. 

Rather than saying all that he remained silent, frozen in his seat. 

Eventually the silence became painful so Chiron opened the door and got out; usually they’d do their handshake or Chiron would linger but...he wasn’t in the mood for either of those things. 

Instead he turned around, staring back at Kevin who was looking right at him, and quietly went, “Ok.” 


End file.
